The Magical Box named Bob
by Boogie
Summary: Yes, first it was a chair then a bicycle. But get ready. This time it's a BOX!
1. Chapter 1

Once upon a time, in a castle far far away: a packet arrived.

(For those of you who are a bit _slow_ the castlenamed above isHogwarts)

"What do you think it is?" Professor Sprout asked poking it.

"A duck?" Professor Flitwick suggested narrowing his small eyes thinking that maybe, just maybe he would be able to see into the packet, "God knows I need the feathers, those first years keep blasting mine, how do they do it? It's just an effing Wingardium Leviosa!"

"Maybe it's a sock?" Dumbledore exclaimed hopefully, "Or… or maybe there's _two_!"

"No, it's… it's a… it's coming to me," Trelawany started, "A _new_ crystal ball!"

"No it's not!" McGonagall said outraged, "It's probably a new umbre- eh… let's just open it,"

"I'll do it!" Madam Pince yelled out and grabbed the packet.

"Hurry up," Said an impatient Snape,

Slowly, Madam Pince opened it making sure not to rip anything. Slowly unfolding, stopping every few seconds to make sure nothing got ripped.

"GET A MOVE ON!" Madam Hooch suddenly screamed, the frustration getting to her head.

"I'll do it!" Madam Pomfrey said and before you could say "Yuioaetsh" (Yes try to pronounce it…) she ripped the packet and opened it.

Revealing a box.

"A box?" All the teachers exclaimed wrinkling their noses in confusion giving each other looks to see if the other understood this better.

"Maybe it's a bomb?" Professor Binns said resulting in all the teachers including Madam Pomfrey and Flich to scream, shriek and screech running to find cover.

"Relax!" Professor Binns yelled trying not to laugh at the sight of all the teachers under the house tables quivering with fear, "I was kidding! There isn't a bomb in it, don't worry"

"You sure?" squeaked Professor Snape.

"Yes I am," Professor Binns answered.

"AH I told you those kids put gums everywhere!" Professor Snape exclaimed and hurried up to the teachers table again.

"Yeah, eh we should definitely try and ban that," Madam Hooch said following

"Yes I think you're right" Dumbledore said still under the table, "But it looks kinda pretty, look that one looks like a bunny!" he added to McGonagall pointing at the gum.

"I've got one that looks like a half eaten shoe!" Trelawany yelled further down the table.

"That's _nothing_ I've got one that looks like Elvis Prestley!" Professor Flitwick squeaked.

After several minutes of discussing gum Professor McGonagal snapped.

"PEOPLE! Could we _please_ get back to the box?" She yelled with an unusual stern voice.

"Don't get your braids in a twist," Madam Hooch mumbled and sat down at the teacher table like the rest of the professors.

"This one looks like _Dumbledore_!" Professor Trelawny suddenly yelled from underneath the Ravenclaw table,

"Ah yes, I accidentally pressed my face against it earlier when I was admiring it," Dumbledore said, "It looked like the most adorable sock I've ever seen!"

"Its gum," McGonagal said getting sick of this, "Gum can't be adorable."

"Oh yes if-" Dumbledore started but was cut of by Professor sprout.

"Let's open it,"

"Open what?" Half the teachers asked confused,

"The box," Professor Sprout said rolling her eyes.

"Oh,"

"I'll do it," Snape said sounding much like he was pinching his nose.

He looked importantly at the people around him before throwing the lid off and run for cover.

Obviously he was still afraid that there might be a bomb.

Though he didn't really know what a bomb was but he sure didn't like how it sounded.

Anything that has a bom in itwas worth his fear.

And a Bam, Bum and of course the terrorizing Bippity-Boppity-Boo

"Snape, it's safe to come out now," Madam Pince said like speaking to a 2 year old.

"Eh," Snape said taking a quick glance around to make sure nothing looked Bom like, "Yeah alright." He obtained his position in front of the box and looked inside of it.

"What's that?" McGonagal said curious pointing at the white lap of paper inside the box.

"It says: Please help me," Professor Snape read out loud, "My family of Boxes got squashed by the feet of muggles. You wonderful clever person please take care of me.Signed The Magical Box Bob."

"Aww! I'll take care of it!" Professor Sprout said grabbing the Box giving it a hug,

"No, I'll do it. It was obviously talking about me," McGonagal said and snatched it.

"Na ah!" Professor Trelawny said seizing it from McGonagal, "_I'm_ the most wonderful around here,"

"Huff! As if!" Professor Snape said snapping his fingers from side to side, "I'll take it,"

"I'M the School nurse, which means I'm more capable then any of you for taking care of dear Bob," Madam Pomfrey said grabbing her "dear Bob" but only received a slap on the hand from Professor Snape

"Now wait a minute!" Dumbledore yelled as the teacher were starting to fight over the box, "I'm the Head master. I will be taking care of The Magical Box Bob!"

"But-"

"NO buts! Or Butts!" Chuckling over his own joke Dumbledore took the box and retrieved to his office.

"I will get that box," Snape mumbled rubbing his hands and gave a long evil laugh.

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**Next chapter:** Will Snape be able to get the box? Will the all-knowing Dumbledore be able to stop him? And what is with that Elvis Presley shaped gum? Find out in next chapter!

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**A/N:** This was a challenged given to me from Natasha a.k.a **The Dark Empress of Eternity**. Hope you liked it.

Review -**Boogie**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I own all of this... In my dreams. Sadly I don't in the real world. What real world you may ask and I am not even gonna bother answering that...

**Chapter2:**  
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Snape looked satisfied at his trap containing a lonely Popsicle and the Sorting Hat nodded pleased.

"Muahaha, Hogwarts Domination will be ours!" Snape whispered evilly, "first we will take out the kitchens and then the rest will fall in place!"

You see their plan was to lure the House elves out of their kitchen with the Popsicle.

They had so far tried Tea, Green pickles, broccoli, strawberry _and_ blueberry jam and of course tacos. But all ended in failure.

"This time we will succeed." The Sorting hat boomed, "The Quibbler will not fail us again,"

Yes, that was where they had gotten the "What House Elves Like,"-list. The Quibbler.

Believe it or not the two were both big fans of the magazine.

Ever since Luna Lovegood introduced it to them by accident they had been increasingly using it for their evil plots and good advices on how to keep hair clean by "Wolfsban Exotic".

The last part was of course only something Snape read since the hat didn't really have hair.

But don't tell it that, it's very sensitive about being bald…

"Let's begin the fun," Snape said rather manically and the two (Snape of course caring The Sorting hat) crept silently forward to the painting of the fruitbowl.

Just as Snape was reaching forward to tickle the pear Malfoy suddenly appeared.

"Professor, the teachers are going insane about some box in the Great Hall," He managed to get out between gasps; he must have been running.

"Yes, You should probably come and knock some sense into them," A girl said from behind Draco.

"Who are you?" Snape asked suspicious,

"Natasha," The girl answered entwining her hand with Draco's.

"Ah another one?" The Sorthing hat asked and somehow accomplished to wink at the boy,

"Yeah," Draco said flushing the teeniest bit, "but Professor they'll end up killing each other if you don't come now,"

"THE BOX!" Snape suddenly cried throwing the Sorting Hat up in the air, finally understanding what Draco had been talking about earlier, "IT IS MINE!" He screamed as he ran down the hallway towards the Great Hall.

"What is wrong with him?" The Natasha girl asked,

"The time of the month I guess," Draco shrugged.

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"It's mine, it's mine" Snape kept mumbling to himself until he finally reached the Great Hall but stopping right as he was about to crash inside.

Maybe the Magical Box Bob was still in Dumbledore's office?

"It's mine, it's mine," Snape muttered again as he turned around his rope billowing after him as he ran down to Dumbledore's office.

As he reached the gargoyle that guarded the entrance to Dumbledore's office Snape racked is brain for the password.

"Jelly Beans," He said giving him self a pat on the back as the gargoyle moved and revealed the stairs.

"OW" Snape screamed as he tripped over the Gargoyles feet, quickly he stood up and regained his composer.

The Gargoyle jumped back to blocking the stairs.

"What!" Snape yelled outraged, "Jelly Beans."

The same scene as before unfolded it self.

"OW, ow, ow!" Snape yelled jumping around holding his left foot.

After the pain subsided and he ran out of foul words Snape gave the gargoyle a calculating look.

Suddenly with out warning he screamed out the password and jumped up the stairs yelling to the gargoyle "sucker!"

After that pointless scene of Snape's immatureness we will move on to a much more important plot hole.

Sneaking inside Snape looked around,

"EY! You just left me there on the ground you cap!" The Sorting hat screamed from his shelf.

"Argh!" Snape screamed in shock and gave a small girly jump, "Don't ever scare me like that again! And I'm sorry, but I had important things to do. I trusted that Draco would pick you up or something."

"He didn't and neither did his girl friend," The Sorting Hat growled, "The idiots just ignored me."

"Poor you," Snape said moving further into the room searching for Bob paying no attention to the wailing hat.

"I found it!" Snape suddenly screamed holding the precious magical box, "I out did you old man!"

Cackling evilly Snape tiptoed out of the office and skipped all the way back to his own office while hiding Bob under his clock.

"Muahahaha," He laughed not noticing the person following him…

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**Next Chapter: **Who is this mystery person following Snape? Is he after Bob? Is it he who chewed the Elvis Presley gum? _Is_ it a he?

**Find out in next chapter**.

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**A/N: **Aw! I didn't mention the Elvis gum in the story… so sorry for al those who were expecting it. Maybe next time… Lol, anyways I know this was extremely short but well I haven't had the time for writing… all right I've been lazy. Hope you liked this chapter anyways.

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**Special Thanks to: **

**Carieinez**: and we loved your review.

**The Dark Empress of Eternity Aura Slytherin: **God that's a long name! Anyways glad you liked it, and I'm sorry for not putting the biggest scene with you in this chapter.

**Randomblondgirl: **Are you blond? Anyways, yes we all want to curse Snape's toenails! Though I'd rather not touch them if that can be prevented…

**Fiona McKinnon: **Aw you really think Snape would kill Bob? Yeah he probably could do that… but at least it's a better fate then to be stuffed with socks…

**Novacaine Junkie: **Aw I've got a fan! Thanks sweetie!

**Jjp91: **I'm so ashamed of myself! Snape got Bob and I didn't stop it… I'm so sorry! Poor Bob, whatever will he do? Advisors are evil, socks too! How, HOW do they manage to get lost each and every time you need them? You find one and the other one is lost. You find the other one but lost the first one. I'm rambling…

**Thanks for the reviews! Keep them coming!**

**-Boogie**


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